Posts Tagged ‘Poäng’

I wull tell you this, the noise! the stour! the Disruption! It was awful.

Fpu swanned off to St Andies and Guardbridge, leaving m’Marmalade Chum and me to face the music. And the end result??? A huge draughty hole in the sitting room wall! Wtf was that about? And what is a sensitive feline to do?

This is what we did. Purrfectly sensibly, we decamped to the spare bedroom and curled up on some old friends. Like you do…

comfee and cosee and trying to ignore Things Going On Below

Here’s lookin’ at you…Marmers, put your tongue away!

Marmers shows his disdain and also his lovely clean toothypegs.

All quiet today so far…


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M’Marmalade Chum has, for some time, been compurrlaining about having to use a cast-off patchwork quilt for parking his furry bahoukey on: he was most scathing about how it’s autumnal colour-scheme clashed with the delicately-hued cover on Ikea Poäng Rocker, his favourite sitting place.

Whilst I have had Jill’s Lovely Crochet Blankie since the very day we moved in to CookieCutterCottage, he has been Making Do with a non-colour-co-ordinated hand-me-down and feeling decidedly out of sorts as a result.

He likes to think he is a sensitive wee soul…

In a ridiculous piece of pandering to his pussly prejudices fpu decided to make a special seasidey-coloured grandma’s garden patchwork quiltlet…

This is it before it became covered in moulted Marmers-hair. A flimsy thing compared with my sturdy blankie, I’m sure.

For Frances – the huge mutant wedding quilt, which inexplicably became 8′ sq. and therefore covers not only bb1&Cub’s bed, but quite a bit of their bedroom floor also. I do hope they don’t mind me sharing it with such a small, select audience as this is!

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In a moment of Extreme Courage, fpu had a Good Rummage in the garage today and found the Black&Decker drill. After two years in bubblewrap, it was time to dust down Pig-Killing Club and mount it on the wall in CookieCutter Cott.

Being extremely right-handed, she surmised that PKC’s’s handle would hang to the right, so, choosing her spot carefully, she drilled two holes, inserted two plasterboard rawlplugs and screwed its bracket into place.

Lookin’ good! Feelin’ chuffed! (Not me – I was sitting in the sun thinking about stuff and having a wee streeetch.)

However, when fpu tried placing the club on the bracket, it rolled alarmingly and threatened to fall off. What could be wrong?

Oh. It was meant to sit the other way round… like this. Well, I just kept my furry head down. As you can imagine, twas l’air bleu and no misteak. And if I had a wee chortle© I kept it to myself. No point antagonising the Food Blob after all.

So, these plugs got bashed farther into the plasterboard (bashed – it’s a techie term, youse widnae unnerstaun, ken) and…

…plastered over with the help of Polly Filla.

Then the whole clamjamfrey was gone through again only a lot quicker this time…

…and Vanuatu Pig-Killing Club sits neatly on the wall near my favourite Poäng (but not too near).

What with that and yesterday’s Great Upheaval, when fpu exchanged every bit of furniture (and contents of two wardrobes) between Front Bedroom and Back, necessitating dismantling her bed and wrestling purrsonfully with recalcitrant sofabed, which unravelled itself at every turn, it’s been an excitin’ couple of days.

Time for a zizzzz…

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We have been havin’ some stremely jolly weather recently, which we’ve all bin enjoyin’ each in its own little way. Me, I’ve bin p’trollin’ the policies, showin’ my lovely fluffy tum to All&Sundry – Parcel Delivery Lady, Helen from Two-doors-up (though I think nuthin of that by way of a house name, do you? Eh??) an’ of course, fpu.

I don’t do the tummy-showin’ bit to Marmers, obvs, that would just be silly!

Anyway, I thought you’d like to see how Marmers tends to spend his halcyon days. He does a bit of eatin’, a bit of thinkin’, a great deal of under-appreciated diggin’ but, above all, an’ what he does do best of all is – sleepin’. Just that. Sleepin’. I’m the first to admit he does it awfully well, though he claims he’s ponderin’ on the deeper things in Liff and suchlike, well…jus’ take a look at this. Ponderin’ my arse in parsley!

If you’ll pardon the ‘spression.

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Perils lurk in the Big Outside World of which a mere cat knows nothing.

It’s bad enough slipping slinkily out of one’s own Catflap of Opporchancity into one’s own Rolling Ell of a morning to find BBC teacosied malevolently under our bush, and having to call for back-up, without the need to go Farther Afield into towns and suchlike Scary Bits.

And, let me tell you, even fpu is not secure from the blandishments of Vile Capitalism: I knew we shouldn’t have let her go down to the end of the town without one of us.

It was only a trip to the Dump in Cupar: only a sudden decision to turn left out of Coal Road instead of right across endless traffic with the intention of using Lidl’s car park to do a U-ey: only the inadvertent thought, ‘I need olive oil’ – and look what happened!

Now, I may be just a innocent kitty, but that looks like a lot more than olive oil to me…

…but it is very comfee, and…

…Marmers purrefers Poäng, being of a more solid build, in both respects…

I purractice my Death-ray eye effect on fpu…

…and collect a few clumps of high-quality fluff for a gnat’s cushion…

…with the owner’s Full Permission would I lie to you? (Yes! ed.) NO!! I’ve no idea why that went red but it looks quite Cheery, so stet, A-men and suchlike.

I use my furry hammock (the £5:99 one, not Marmers:) all the time. It hangs on a Roaring Radiator and is extremely snugglesome.

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We had a very nice one and hope you did too. This is our Christmas Branch, which me’n’Marmers did find a tad disappointing, as it takes a lot less undecorating than a whole tree: all our feline friends will know what I mean, purrticularly that rowdy lot, 4catgang, who not only do the undecorating, but also the total tree destruction scenario. Respec’ to 4catgang!

There must be something peculiarly bolshie about French cats, but that’s no surprise when you think about it.

Here’re me’n’Marmers enjoying our Chrissie dinner – Marmers had the honour of getting first dibs on Boris&Spock’s holographic placemat: I’m told that Mia also has one, so naturally, I’m all-of-a-flutter just thinking about us almost sharing the same purrlace at dinner!

Though I hope Marmers doesn’t get any ideas…

Fpu had a local peasant which did her two nights…


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I’ve had a bit of an eventful day. Traumatic isn’t in it. Down to eight liffs in paw-to-paw Mortal Combat, and I’m not even sure who won. I’m so shaken I’ve spent most of the last 24 hours snuggled up with mpu under an ancient raggedy-edged patchwork quilt trying to forget the Horror, the Horror!

Here are the few clues that greeted fpu when she came down from answering emails…

mud on the Amtico…

…mud on the shiny white windowsill and on the frame of Joan Holdsworth’s lovely glass picture…

some soggy fur…

…and some more soggy fur – my lovely fluffy tail, dripping!

more mud on the Catflap of Safe-Haven

and a well-deserved wee treat, donated a while ago by An Admirer

Such a nasty experience to meet one’s Major Adversary, Big Black&Fluffy ******* Cat, in the Jungle beyond the Catflap of Doom: we had a major stand-off and somehow found at least one of us (ie me) in the raging Burn of Extremity, swallowing quantities of river mud and nasty grimy water, which I purroceeded to vomit up onto nice New Poang (which was mostly purrotected by bb2’s old patchwork quilt – Phew!) and the floor.

In the interests of decency, we decided not to publish pictures of my quite nasty upchucking. Sorry to all those who are disappointed:-)

As those of you who are catophiles will know, we have very sturdy digestions and are tailor-made to throw up at every opporchancity, so, almost before I knew it, I was munching on a very tasty treat and feeling the lerv.

I left it to fpu to do the Molly Weir bit with the Flash on the Amtico and sloped off upstairs for a bit of R&R.

I am not venturing far, just yet *wee shudder*

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